Words are my friend….

I’ve been thinking lately (dangerous I know) about how often I use “text” to communicate with people in my life.

I have a very dear friend in Queensland who I only speak to via Facebook or text or email, but we “speak” just about every day.

My Mum who I can’t see every day but who I will endeavour to beat in at least one game of W.E.L.D.E.R wars if it kills me!
My cousins and other UK family are all just an email away
My best friend on holiday at the moment but at least I can still feel connected to her with 5 minutes of typed conversation each day.

But how real is it all?

Since it’s text you can confide in each other more freely than face to face when you might feel embarrassed or intimidated whichever the scenario. In a text there is no one to interrupt you when you are making a fool of yourself, you can’t cough to cover up a silly comment or cheeky one liner that seems inappropriate the second you press that enter key. It’s there to stay baby like it or not!!!

For all those above people it’s fine, but I SHOULD call my other best friend more often. We’re in the same time zone for god sake! And saying hi via text once a week is great (at least we’re keeping in contact) but if we were chatting I KNOW we would have a lot more to say to each other.

I SHOULD call my mum more because texting things like “haha good word Mum” in words with friends does not conversation make!

And don’t even get me started on the people who I only interact with by reading each others Facebook statuses!!!

I have people in my life, let’s call them acquaintances because I don’t have many friends (you’ll see why in a second) who I liked very much in life (you know that thing where you look each other in the eye and speak about, mundane things like work, and the weekend) but now that I see their miserable Facebook statuses day in and day out I just don’t like them much anymore…. (I should have had a spoiler alert. If you don’t already know…I can be a bit of a bitch….)
Don’t get me wrong. Whinge a bit when you’re having a rough night with the kids (I do – I assure you) or if your boyfriends being a pain or if you’ve got a headache even…. But just try to avoid consecutive nights of utter negativity!! Words are communication and you are communicating to me that there is nothing positive in your life to mention on these 10 consecutive days and surely that can’t be true. Its just that that’s how you are looking at it Facebooker, shake it up a bit and throw a “I love…” or a “I’m thankful for” in there every now and then.

Im all for technology and electronic communication but I feel like its gotten in the way of things. All too often I’m flicking off that text message without ever considering having a phone conservation.
I was shocked while gossiping at Kindy gym like a pair of 50 year old housewives with my BFF, the instructor came out commented while looking around that EVERY other parent is on their iPhone in their own world. What’s wrong with talking? Making new friends? Talking about the weather even!

I guess what I’m thinking in my round-about way is that I love being able to talk to all of those people while I can’t be with them, but it doesn’t substitute for having them there. And I would give up all my gadgets in a flash if I could have a cuppa and a cuddle with any one of them right now.

Words are our friend … But be careful of the TEXT.


Best mates

Friendships are a tricky thing.

When is someone you know, a friend (no a Facebook friend does not count) when does a friend become a best friend…

Growing up, we moved around quite a lot. We moved from England to Australia when I was 5 years old and I left everyone I knew behind. Friends and family.

My Mum and Dad split up when I was 10. It wasn’t super traumatic, just sad. We lived with Mum but visited Dad and had friends at school, friends at Dad’s house and friends at Mum’s house.

A few years later, my Mum met a man and it was decided we move from WA to QLD. The man who would be my mums second husband had family there and my brother and I were pretty excited about living on The Gold Coast with permanent access (so it seemed) to the themeparks.

That move was harder, I had friends at a school and even though I could keep in touch while on our holiday access visits with Dad it was bound to be hard.

From 11 until the end of high school we stayed in the same area but for some reason I never seemed to hang onto friends. I had a new “best friend” every year, lots of friends in between and didn’t really mind.

I’ve always been a very honest person, and a bit of a nutter (my grandma would call me eccentric) and most people find that hard to deal with in the end!!!

Many of these friends, although not my best friends or even close friends I am still in contact with. Some are lost forever in the sea of time past and misspent youth that is remembered far longer than it was actually lived. My senior high school year is filled with more memories than I believe actually fit in that one year!

In 1999 in year 9, I was good friends with a girl, Katie, she continues to be one of the funniest people I’ve ever known. Katie had a best friend, Amie, and when I started sitting with Katie at lunch (the early high school equivalent of moving in, it seemed) I met Amie and loved her straight away. She was quirky and cute and honest and fun.

Amie was soon and continues to be my best friend. Amie is “Aunty Amie” to my kids. She is my husband’s Drinking buddy and she knows everything about me it is worthwhile knowing (possibly that’s not a lot) she’s been there for me through every important aspect of my life and even when I throw a curve ball at her she says things like “I’ll support you whatever you decide to do” which really is just amazing!

Amie has other best friends (Katie for one) but she manages to be there for me in entirety when I need her to be.

She is the only friend I’ve never fought with. The only friend I’ve managed to hold on to and not alienate over consecutive years and truly one of the most important people in my life…. (and she’s single which is unfathomable to me!!!)

Friendship has always seemed like a taboo thing to me. For a long time (ok if I’m being honest – still) if I find someone who I connect with. I grip on really tight with both hands … And eventually suffocate them…

My Mum got let down by a good friend when I was young, I struggled with friends growing up and who knows 100% why, but I’ve never felt like I deserve friendship. Or the happiness that a really good friendship brings.

Since I’ve become a Mum. Friendship had taken on a new meaning to me. I look at my sons and I hope they will have a friend, they grow up with, someone he can share with, fight with, tell secrets to, hide from, and love. Other than each other of course.

This year though, I’ve been completely taken by surprise by making another Best Friend. Yes, that’s right, I in my bitchy bubble, apparantly get not one but two best mates! Go figure?

And I tell you what. Making a best friend when you’re all grown up (I’ll be 27 this month) is bloody weird! I’m constantly second guessing myself. I think of something funny and go to send a message and then think, stop harassing the woman, and then think, nah it’ll give her a laugh. Send it and then think …. Shouldn’t have done that… Must not message again until Tuesday! Lol. (she tells me I think too much and I know it’s true) I must be the only person on earth who acts like this.

I’m also a super affectionate person. I’m a cuddler. If it wasn’t socially unacceptable I’d cuddle for 5 minutes rather than the 5 seconds at the door! Lol. I like to give gifts, that let the other person know ” I was thinking of you” Once for Aims, I put together a little photo book of pics of us, and the kids and why she was so important to us…. Amie loved it, and I knew she would but now with BFF2 (have to work on that… ) I have to rethink my gestures… Sweet or scary? Touching or terrifying? Cuddle or Crushing? You get my point? Haha

Maybe the thing with best friends is that, it doesn’t matter what I do, it’ll sort itself out. I know if I did suffocate, scare or shock either of these amazing women they’d waste no time in letting me know. I know I can tell them anything, I don’t need to apologize to them for being me, I will be there for them no matter what, and love them no matter what. And that is something so special!

I haven’t written a blog in months but thinking about friendship seemed a good thing to come back for.

My long enduring friendship with Amie. 13 years, nearly half our lives
And this new friendship which makes me smile and blows my mind how important she’s become to me.
And the best part, about my “new best friend”: my best friend’s son, is now my son’s best friend!!!!

May you all be so lucky to have such great friendships. I’ll be treasuring these two with all I have 🙂

Until next time … Tanya